Parenting 101

Introduction

Considering the challenges we are faced with in leading our wards aright, and the limitations we placed on our wards when we don’t do it right, therefore, in our group “Relationships with BaSUG”, parenting 101 was initiated. The trauma, the fight, the bitterness, and all that’s not palatable that ensues due to poor or bad parenting cannot be overemphasized.

We have come to the realisation that it’s not deliberate most of the times. It’s just because no one can give better than how much he has/knows.

Just like a man cannot from God much more than his faith in God is, so also, your parenting cannot be better than how much you know and convinced of parenting. It good and impactful parenting doesn’t happen by just “I wish”.

So, on our WhatsApp group which has been running from March 2020, we discussed the topic, “Parenting 101” on 12th of July, 2020.

Below is our discussion just directly as it happened. We hope you will find it easy to read and comprehend.

The chats; Parenting 101

[7/12, 20:22] BaSUG CEO: Let’s talk parenting

[7/12, 20:23] BaSUG CEO: What’s your take on the word, parenting?
[7/12, 20:25] Ejiro Tobih: For me parenting is the act or process of raising, bringing up , nurturing and educating a child from birth until adulthood.
[7/12, 20:30] Ejiro Tobih: Well for me the adulthood doesn’t necessarily have age. Although when one get married, he or she becomes responsible to their spouses, hence the parenting from their original parents might be withdrawn to an extent
[7/12, 20:31] BaSUG CEO: If I’m the minister of finance in Nigeria, it’s a common knowledge I’d be really busy, so, I’d have to get someone to care for my children while I pay. Please, am I not doing well?
[7/12, 20:31] Yc Osadunni Samson: Parenting can be say to me the act of nurturing and promoting the physical, emotional and psychological well being of a child from birth to adulthood
[7/12, 20:32] Favour Fakuade: *One thing I noticed is that
Parents build their children to be who they are, and not what they are not
*
For instance if a mother is gentle so will her children
If parent love argument,they train the children consciously or unconscious to argue with anything

My thoughts though contrary opinion are welcome
[7/12, 20:34] Yc Osadunni Samson: To me there is nothing wrong to get someone to help in catering for the well being of one child but problem come in when parenting is totally delegated to other without input from the parents. I believe if I place value on my children I’ll definitely find time for them no matter how busy I am.
[7/12, 20:35] BaSUG CEO: So, you are saying, it’s only what you have that you can give. If I wish to give you 500k and I have 5k, I’d still not be able to give you.

From here, let me now ask, if I wish to give you 500k and I have only 5k, what can I do?
[7/12, 20:35] BaSUG CEO: Since I want to see my wish become reality
[7/12, 20:38] BaSUG CEO: Pro 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

http://goo.gl/SCLQH
[7/12, 20:38] Yc Osadunni Samson: This is true. The personality of a child is formed by two major ways; nature and nurture. By nature mean what the child inherited from the parents and by nurture refers to the training and exposure the child has.
[7/12, 20:38] BaSUG CEO: We can see our definitions align with the scripture
[7/12, 20:40] Jumi: You’re not doing well sire..
[7/12, 20:41] Yc Osadunni Samson: You look for ways to source for the remaining balance😁😁
[7/12, 20:41] BaSUG CEO: God bless you sir
Let me add to the nature (I’ve touched on it a bit here not long ago).
You inherit from four different persons when you are given birth to. The four are:

1. Maternal grandfather
2. Maternal grandmother
3. Paternal grandfather and
4. Paternal grandmother
   [7/12, 20:41] Favour Fakuade: Parent no longer train children the way ,they should go
   But the way they want them too
   [7/12, 20:42] BaSUG CEO: This is one reason we are here together. We must ensure we don’t rinse and repeat the failure of our parents.
   [7/12, 20:42] Jumi: Exactly, that’s why some parents are so harsh in bringing up their children, they cage them, they don’t even allow their children to have their own sense of reasoning
   [7/12, 20:43] BaSUG CEO: This doesn’t come by “I wish”. It comes by learning and acting on or practising what’s learnt
   [7/12, 20:43] Jumi: Parenting is a lifetime business just like marriage.
   [7/12, 20:45] BaSUG CEO: I disagree 100%
   Maybe you tell us what you mean sha, because I can also agree 100% too
   [7/12, 20:47] BaSUG CEO: Yes sir. That’s the place of going for knowledge and wisdom to apply the knowledge right.
   The Bible admonishes us to “get wisdom, and with all thy getting, get understanding”
   [7/12, 20:49] BaSUG CEO: This is called adamic nature. But I once told you to read Galatians 5:1-end. There you will see this nature, it’s activities and purpose, and how to relegate it and put on the new man
   [7/12, 20:50] BaSUG CEO: This also stems from how much they know and understand about parenting
   [7/12, 20:50] Jumi: Do you Know that after leaving our parents to cleave, there are some areas they still talk to us on. They still advice us on ways to go, correct us when we err as well… parenting doesn’t stop even when we grow up to a certain stage of our life that we can stand on our own. It continues.
   [7/12, 20:53] BaSUG CEO: You see why we need to rise and restore sanity to our world?!
   Isn’t this what we should call child abuse and fight? This is how it starts. One parent/elderly fella had once abused the mind of those you see going around and abusing others.
   [7/12, 20:54] BaSUG CEO: We’re not helping the abuser here, rather, we’re trying to emphasis the saying, “a stitch in time saves nine”.
   [7/12, 20:56] BaSUG CEO: The South Westerners in Nigeria here would say, you have to trim an iroko tree from onset, else it disturbs and disrupt you and your activities…
   [7/12, 20:57] Yc Osadunni Samson: There is truth in this. You know we still seek and receive counsel and advice from our parents at time even after we’ve grown up
   [7/12, 20:57] BaSUG CEO: Looking at this iroko tree expression critically, it tells us that the bigger you see your children becoming or want your children to become, the quicker you have to train and guide them
   [7/12, 21:01] BaSUG CEO: This is why I demanded explanation.
   But it’s not pretty cool to possess the mindset.

Give to your children all they need to know and let them off. We have seen how parents refuse to release their children from their hearts, and because they’re not prepared for it, they meddle into their marriage and crash it. I have a divorcee like that.

[7/12, 21:01] Favour Fakuade: How do you expect a child that has been abused from childhood to change easily by outsiders except through God’s help,when you advice them they claim their parent doesn’t see anything bad in what they do
So why do you have to want them change their ways
[7/12, 21:03] BaSUG CEO: Abraham was great, not because his parents helped him after he married Sarah. Infact, he went away from home completely.
I say it emphatically, it’s an err and failure on the part of a parent who would still be needed to settle issues after the children are married
[7/12, 21:04] BaSUG CEO: So, it doesn’t continues. It stops.
[7/12, 21:05] BaSUG CEO: This is why you can devote your early life to raise your children and then boom, you are on to the biggest thing you want to pursue in life at 45-50 years of age.
[7/12, 21:05] Yc Osadunni Samson: I quiet understand your point and fear if I may say but that shouldn’t relegate the place of good parental advice/counsel later in life cos we’ve seen examples of parents whose advice salvaged the home of the children. Note I’m not talking of busy parents here
[7/12, 21:08] BaSUG CEO: Don’t look too far brother. Come closer. I repeat it emphatically, it’s parental err and failure if I’d still need my parents to come help me settle matter in marriage. I should be ashamed, and they should be ashamed. So, please give your children adequate help and training and release them gradually in your heart long before marriage.
[7/12, 21:12] BaSUG CEO: If that’s not loud enough, let me help with this story for you to know it’s a big err.

EA Adeboye said when he newly married at 25( mama was 19). People kept saying, hmm, young husband, young wife, hope you won’t quarrel? He said I called my wife one day and said, do you understand what these people mean? They’re expecting us to fight and come to call them to settle matter for us, let’s disappoint them… Long story short, they settled on an active agreement and till today, no one settles matter for them.

Now therefore, choose whether you like that or you want something else for yourself
[7/12, 21:14] BaSUG CEO: I say again, this is a sign of immaturity. A signal you were not riped for marriage. Your sexual urge probably led you into marriage earlier than your are eligible
[7/12, 21:16] BaSUG CEO: Heard a story about this yesterday evening. It’s sad. The man was saying it emphatically, but you know he’s a dry fish, i couldn’t talk to him and waste my saliva. Do you want to hear what he said?
[7/12, 21:16] Yc Osadunni Samson: So why do we advice people to go see counsellors, pastors etc when having issue in their marriages if good parents can’t counsel them?
[7/12, 21:17] Jumi: Share pls
[7/12, 21:18] Yc Osadunni Samson: This might not be totally true. We must train our children well but they also have a part to play in turning out well in life. There is a place of human choice and will
[7/12, 21:19] BaSUG CEO: Who do those counsellors visit for counseling? Have you asked yourself that?
This is why I concluded that individual have to choose which one they like to be. But me, I prefer to be counselled on the inside, and then counsel others.

A pastor that’s praying that demon should let a person go, is he the one suffering the affliction? And it’s easier to pray than to suffer affliction.
[7/12, 21:20] BaSUG CEO: Let’s return home 😆
[7/12, 21:20] BaSUG CEO: training (uncountable)

Action of the verb to train.
The activity of imparting and acquiring skills.
The result of good social upbringing.
[7/12, 21:21] BaSUG CEO: This is how dico explained training
[7/12, 21:21] BaSUG CEO: We’re back to this scripture particularly now
[7/12, 21:23] BaSUG CEO: From this dictionary meaning, we can see that many things have to be done to raise a child that’ll add value to the society/world
[7/12, 21:23] BaSUG CEO: You must know that no one can give what he doesn’t have
[7/12, 21:23] BaSUG CEO: If we look at it as “the result of good social upbringing”, we’ll realise that father and mother need to be good enough inorder to be able to raise good children
[7/12, 21:23] BaSUG CEO: It means you must be deliberate about learning
[7/12, 21:23] BaSUG CEO: So, we must know that WISH alone isn’t enough
[7/12, 21:23] BaSUG CEO: You need to know somethings. Infact many things to be able to guide and train up your children
[7/12, 21:23] BaSUG CEO: If you don’t know what’s chemistry. If I ask you, even if you WISH to tell me, you won’t be able because you don’t know it yourself
[7/12, 21:23] BaSUG CEO: And it’s better to start the preparation to be good fathers and mothers from when we’re are young, like from age 15 upward
[7/12, 21:23] BaSUG CEO: And this learning isn’t school learning
[7/12, 21:23] BaSUG CEO: There’s no school that train people how to be good father and mother
[7/12, 21:23] BaSUG CEO: I’ve not seen, except special schools like this one we’re having here today
[7/12, 21:23] Yc Osadunni Samson: I believe there is not hard and fast rule about this. The fact that somebody seek counsel outside doesn’t mean he/she is weak. Our build up and how to handle challenges of life differ. Some people can’t handle there challenges alone but need the help and support of others.
[7/12, 21:24] BaSUG CEO: Friend, I only gave out two things, and I asked that you choose. So just choose and let’s progress 😉😁
[7/12, 21:25] BaSUG CEO: It’s like when Joshua ask the congregation of Israel to choose who they wanna serve. He gave them some hints to help them choose. I’m only following the scripture here. I’m not of myself
[7/12, 21:29] BaSUG CEO: What if I say this statements here contradicts one another?
First you said doesn’t mean “weak”. You followed it by saying “some people can’t handle their challenges alone”. That’s weakness of the highest order sir. And it doesn’t mean it can’t happen to anyone as you said. But why are we here? Isn’t it so we can plan ahead and not be victims, rather we’d be victors?!

This is the purpose of this place
[7/12, 21:31] BaSUG CEO: I hope my conclusion here settles something?
[7/12, 21:33] Yc Osadunni Samson: I said to mean that nothing wrong in going for counselling
[7/12, 21:35] BaSUG CEO: Nothing is wrong sincerely
I agree 💯 with you. I’m only adding to it by saying as for me, I love to be the counselor
[7/12, 21:35] BaSUG CEO: So, we’re on same page now
[7/12, 21:36] BaSUG CEO: It’s really interesting tonight
[7/12, 21:36] BaSUG CEO: God bless the lookers🤣🤣
[7/12, 21:37] BaSUG CEO: God bless the participants abundantly🔥🔥🔥
[7/12, 21:38] Yc Osadunni Samson: I got your point now
[7/12, 21:38] BaSUG CEO: Isa.8.18 – Behold, I and the children whom the LORD hath given me are for signs and for wonders in Israel from the LORD of hosts, which dwelleth in mount Zion. — null
[7/12, 21:38] BaSUG CEO: Father and mother should be able to walk closely with God to be able to say this about their children as if they mean it. Like they really understand it so well
[7/12, 21:39] BaSUG CEO: Train up a child
[7/12, 21:39] BaSUG CEO: This means, train each child.
[7/12, 21:40] Jumi: This is the first point.. knowing God well will help the children too
[7/12, 21:41] BaSUG CEO: Absolutely. But this knowing is different from religious o. We’d be addressing this in the next class God willing
[7/12, 21:41] BaSUG CEO: Don’t train one and neglect the other
[7/12, 21:43] BaSUG CEO: Maybe I should give just one example here. I don’t just give out points if they’re not found majorly in the Bible.
[7/12, 21:44] Ogunsola Kenny Nifesimi: In Africa I see training as more of imposing,as someone stated earlier they make children what they want him/her to be and In d process some kids make decision of I will be free one day as for our ERA How exactly do we want to train them
[7/12, 21:46] BaSUG CEO: Jesse Obed didn’t even believe in David, not knowing he’s the real deal. He neglected him when it’s time to choose king from his house, but for the intervention of God and the spiritual sensitive of Samuel…
[7/12, 21:47] BaSUG CEO: His elder brothers that were sent to the army camp to train professionally couldn’t withstand Goliath when David did.

So, you see, Jesse was wrong all along.
[7/12, 21:48] BaSUG CEO: It’s not only Jesse that’s wrong. The wife too was, because David said later in Psalms that “when my father and mother reject me, that’s when the Lord would accept me.”
[7/12, 21:50] Ogunsola Kenny Nifesimi: U don’t expect to train your child in d way of God like telling her Bible,Teaching her chores and morale but Not asking questions ,We don’t neccessary need to be Harsh and call it training,some don’t even listen to children opinions,When u listen to your child well u will know where to work on, the child won’t be influenced.BE INTERACTIVE and also
[7/12, 21:51] Ogunsola Kenny Nifesimi: The best way to Train a child I through the world of God,Then tell the child reality,Teach the child confidence in God and Himself .
[7/12, 21:51] BaSUG CEO: Guide your children, don’t cage them.
[7/12, 21:53] Ogunsola Kenny Nifesimi: Yes oooo , when u do your work we’ll u wont be scared of letting go, cause u know u have done well and then as I said earlier if u talk then expect feedback from that freedom
[7/12, 22:00] Ogunsola Kenny Nifesimi: And don’t let us forget that training is broad it includes academic too cause thats d future of the child.
[7/12, 22:01] Ogunsola Kenny Nifesimi: The body is The temple of God, Looking good doesn’t mean one has to be necked as much as there is time for everything there is also dress for occasions and situations the kids should know that .
[7/12, 22:02] Ogunsola Kenny Nifesimi: If it’s gown or skirt it should be decent if it’s trouser too it should be moderate .ROYALTY DONT GO NAKED .we have to ring the bell in our kids ear
[7/12, 22:03] BaSUG CEO: God bless your head oooo
[7/12, 22:03] Ogunsola Kenny Nifesimi: Yes dear that’s how it is .I pity some parent who beat kids too much to the extent that kids bleed or get scars
[7/12, 22:04] Ogunsola Kenny Nifesimi: Amen but with God and prayer I can tell u it’s easy. And I know it will be for us.
[7/12, 22:04] Jumi: May God help us to get it right
[7/12, 22:04] Ogunsola Kenny Nifesimi: See parent also have to be updated u don’t just talk the way it’s done in your era .
[7/12, 22:04] BaSUG CEO: God has helped us, we are to arise and use the help
[7/12, 22:05] Ogunsola Kenny Nifesimi: And while training we shouldn’t even enforce some doctrines ,some parent already loose there children to it and I have issues like that around me.
[7/12, 22:06] Jumi: Some parents do things in an archaic manner and they still want to continue in that archaic world
[7/12, 22:06] BaSUG CEO: I’m tired of this prayer/statement.

I want to be hearing, I’m too loaded to fail in this matter. Boasting not because you are smart, but because you are counsel on the inside by the great Counsellor, Holy Spirit
[7/12, 22:07] BaSUG CEO: I want to be reading here, I can do it because I’m strengthened on the inside
[7/12, 22:07] Ogunsola Kenny Nifesimi: Yes oooo
[7/12, 22:08] Ogunsola Kenny Nifesimi: This Topic is a not ending thing . MOST PROBLEMS WE ARE FACING IN AFRICA AS A WHOLE STARTED FROM PARENTING
[7/12, 22:09] BaSUG CEO: Let’s focus on way forward. Let’s stop emphasising “some parents”. We only reference them when we want to drive home a point better.

Take your eyes away from failure
[7/12, 22:09] Ogunsola Kenny Nifesimi: If children are well trained and educated even those evil happening and rape cases will reduce cause the left untrained ones will even be scared of doing evil
[7/12, 22:10] Jumi: Exactly jare.. …I don’t think it’s bad asking for God’s help because this parenting isn’t as easy as the laid down rules we’ve seen on the group tonight. Easier said than done.
[7/12, 22:10] BaSUG CEO: You can say it over and over again dear friend…
[7/12, 22:11] Ogunsola Kenny Nifesimi: The only way forward I see is just GOD’S help cause devil is never happy with good things,Discipline at early stage with detailed reasons and Attentiveness.
[7/12, 22:12] BaSUG CEO: “Be it to you according to your faith/believe”, that’s what Jesus said. Don’t ever forget that
[7/12, 22:12] BaSUG CEO: You should just go sleep if you think all that’s said here tonight is too much or too hard to do. They’re elementary
[7/12, 22:13] BaSUG CEO: Purely elementary. You fail it, you are not living
[7/12, 22:13] BaSUG CEO: No matter how anointed you are, If you fail this course, parenting, you fail patapata/completely and woefully
[7/12, 22:14] Ogunsola Kenny Nifesimi: And don’t let us forget one of the problems we now have in the world which must not affect us is Religion Battling and Doctrines it’s going a long way .Lets avoid it. Just Follow the steps of Christ .Be christ-like
[7/12, 22:14] BaSUG CEO: You’re talking of that strategic fella? His case ehn, we no go gree ni o
[7/12, 22:14] BaSUG CEO: The old serpent
[7/12, 22:15] Oluwole Matthew BaSUG: Sure! It all depends on the kinds of parents…christian-bible believing parents differ from just ordinary MORALISM based parents.
[7/12, 22:15] Ogunsola Kenny Nifesimi: Yea that started tge whole problem
[7/12, 22:16] Ogunsola Kenny Nifesimi: And while aiming at been a parent don’t forget it’s an hand to hand thing Supportive spouse you serve as an example while parenting .U can’t be injured and mending others wound.
[7/12, 22:18] Ogunsola Kenny Nifesimi: Parenting is not an Earthly thing alone it’s Heavenly tooo. There is a price
[7/12, 22:19] BaSUG CEO: Please introduce yourself o
[7/12, 22:19] BaSUG CEO: Name
[7/12, 22:19] BaSUG CEO: Location
[7/12, 22:20] BaSUG CEO: What you do
[7/12, 22:20] Ogunsola Kenny Nifesimi: I LOVE THIS GROUP I SEE IT AS A MINISTRY AND I PRAY THAT WE WONT FAIL IN LIFE AND IN ALL ASPECT BY GOD GRACE
[7/12, 22:21] Ogunsola Kenny Nifesimi: Am Miss Ogunsola Kenny Nifesimi

I reside in Ibadan

I Practice Pharmacy

I knew through my artifical Sis and professional college FAVOUR.
[7/12, 22:22] Oluwole Matthew BaSUG: A bible believing Parents believes in chastising a child via the rod-word of God, and as well with the order when necessary…Prov.22:15
[7/12, 22:25] Ogunsola Kenny Nifesimi: Thanks so much for giving us vision and focus and the rest of the crew involve
[7/12, 22:28] BaSUG CEO: God bless the breast you sucked 🙏💞

© ‘SanmiTAIWO 2020